Riding the Wave of Emotions

At times, I deeply desire to be as calm and serene as a lake on a calm day. Where the water tricks your eye, and you almost feel like you can step on it, and it would hold you. But, rarely is that what my internal experience feels like.

More often than not, I feel like the ocean, with waves of emotions coming and going. Thankfully, I rarely feel the tumult of a hurricane internally, but even the natural ebb and flow of ocean waves can feel overwhelming sometimes.

I also catch myself thinking that if I were a “good mother,” I wouldn’t feel the waves of emotions I do. My sons could each be asking for their own needs to be met and continually escalating as I’m unable to meet them in their desired time frame, and I would just be there, calm, cool, and patient.

So what does it mean that I can’t? That, instead of calm, I feel overwhelmed? That, instead of being patient, I feel stressed?

It means I’m human.

That I will inevitably feel emotions fluctuate, ebb, and flow. Because, like water, we are dynamic beings, meant to flow through various states rather than feel stagnant and constant. And while this can certainly feel very overwhelming, we can begin to gain more say in how these emotions present themselves. Riding the wave of emotions isn’t meant to cause a sense of hopelessness. Instead, it’s meant to help you know that it’s okay when anger comes up in motherhood. It’s okay that when you hear “mama” shouted again, you feel a rush of overwhelm. Through the implementation of coping skills, we can remain regulated during surges of emotion and gain more say in how these continually evolving emotions present themselves to those around us.

But, please remind yourself that when your internal experience feels quite similar to the coming and going of waves in the ocean, that it’s because you are gloriously, spectacularly (and sometimes frustratingly and overwhelmingly) human.

Warmly,

Kylie